Celebrating Single: Be Happy over the Holidays

I love being single over the holidays. For the most part, I've overcome the negative thinking that comes from comparing my holiday experience to what the media says it should be. The only problem I sometimes have is finding a date for the office party. But if I'm not dating anyone, I solve the problem by inviting a friend. Especially if he's a tall, good-looking friend.

Butting Out of Negative Self Talk
The world (especially the TV, magazines, and malls part of the world) is telling you what a joyful, social, CONNECTED time of year this is. In your bah humbug mind, though, you may find yourself saying:
" Yes, but I'm lonely."
" Yes, but what if I'm the only one at the party without a date?"
" Yes, but I have no family here."
" Yes, but the holidays are for couples."
Have you had negative thoughts like these? Then it's time to "but" out by taking the "but" out of "yes, but":

"Yes, I love the holiday season."
" Yes, the holidays are for everyone - not just an arbitrary demographic group."
" Yes, I can use this time to find spiritual replenishment."
Every time you hit a holiday hurdle, visualize the phrase "Yes, but" floating in front of you. Now take a big red, imaginary pen and cross out "but."

Choosing the Holiday Spirit that Moves You
Being single gives you choices. Some of your holiday experiences can be quiet and introspective. You may choose to be peaceful and private. This is like snowshoeing, where you move slowly and are surrounded by muted sounds and colors. Years ago, I decided to simplify the winter holidays. I like to use these days off as quiet, relaxing times. Being single, it's easier to set my own traditions.

Some of your other holiday experiences can be colorful, fast, and exciting - like downhill skiing, where you're usually surrounded by high energy people. Or you can choose the spirit of a snowshoer one day and a skier the next.

Partying Hearty or Partying Lite
As a single person, you can choose how you want to spend your holidays. You can gleefully accept, or graciously turn down, party invitations. If you don't get any party invitations, and wish you had, then it's time for you make some invitations of your own. If you're not in a position to host a big party, start small with get-togethers such as these:

Arrange to a salad-eating excursion. At the holidays, many of us overdose on sugary goodies, and a salad is a welcome change.
A movie outing is especially good if you're shy. Select a theater where you and the others can go for a coffee or a drink afterward.
If you're more adventurous, how about arranging to go to a skating rink?
Make a list of people you miss talking to, and call them.

Tips from my friend Arlene
Call a friend you haven't talked to in 10 or 16 years and wish them Happy Holidays - especially someone you need to give forgiveness to, or get forgiveness from.
When you play the woe-is-me, reclusive role - of course you won't meet new friends.
When you keep saying there are no good men left (or women, as the case may be), remind yourself that you exist, and you're a good woman (or man). So it stands to reason that they exist, too.
Once you realize that you are fabulous and really believe it - that's when fabulous people will come into your life.

Finding Your Own Arlene
Reading and implementing positive tips such as these is good. But actually having a friend, such as Arlene, to share ideas with is even better. Figure out which of your friends have the most positive influence on your own attitude, and hang out with them more!