Understanding How Men & Women
A Mars Venus Facilitator since 1996, Janice Hoffman
has coached singles and couples on their relationships, giving them skills
and techniques to use in relating with the opposite sex.
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How Men & Women View Making a Commitment
Removing the Commitment Roadblock
It is a common roadblock in relationships - a woman is ready to make a commitment and a man doesn’t want to make that step. What should you do? How do you broach the subject? You love your man but wonder, is he really the one? Why isn’t he ready to make a commitment?
A woman feels the pressure to get married even though her partner may be happy to keep things the way they are. Inside her biological clock ticks away, accompanied by thoughts of getting married and starting a family. She may feel something is missing in her relationship if they don’t tie the knot. Generally speaking, after dating for six months, a woman will feel the need for a deeper commitment. If he hasn’t brought up the subject, she will.
Without an understanding of how women think, men fail to realize the importance of “going all the way” emotionally = making a commitment. On the other hand, without an understanding of men, a woman doesn’t understand why he can be happy with their relationship, just the way it is. In his mind, as long as he is getting his needs met and is happy, why risk moving to the next stage?
Commitment is to women what sex is to men. For example, let’s say a man wants to go all the way with a woman. If she only wants to go to second base, he instinctively feels something is missing. Similarly, a woman wants to go all the way emotionally, get married, and he thinks he may miss out if he does.
When a man is exclusive with a woman, it means that he has made her more important than anyone else. Having done this, he becomes vulnerable. His feelings for her can be wonderfully strong, but at the same time he may feel out of control. Talking about making a commitment may make him feel like his freedom is slipping away.
When a woman is ready to move the relationship towards a more serious commitment and a man stays a step behind, her behavior may change. If a couple is indecisive about moving toward marriage, a woman may even deny her need to get married. Or, feeling desperate, she may give him an ultimatum, in the hopes of getting the response she seeks.
For Men: Reassure her that you understand what she is going through and are willing to listen. This sets the tone for communication. Ask her what she wants and then listen--attentively. If you become defensive, communication will stop.
Take time to acknowledge her need to talk. If you are not ready to take the next step, all you have to do now, is listen. Next, be honest about your feelings with her. A woman may not like what you say, but she can deal with knowing where she stands better than she can, wondering and worrying.
For Women: Without blaming him, gracefully share how you feel. This way he will be able to respond more positively. If he doesn’t, remind him, this is not a problem, you just need to talk.
Discuss about how you feel about your relationship. This will awaken his duty to discuss his intentions with you. After you share with him how you feel, ask him to share his feelings with you. Your ability to accept his response will build trust and increase his comfortability factor with you. Feeling safe and comfortable is essential for a healthy, loving relationship. Remember, he may need more time than you do, but you are off to a great start.